“For Thou art with me”
It has been a wonderful and interesting last few days, full of reminders to give thanks and to praise! My beloved had 4 days off together due to Thanksgiving, and it was a real treat having him around.
I love the wisdom of the Lord displayed in designing the relationship between man and wife. I still notice, every time the door closes upon his departure (or even if I just think it’s his departure–my back is turned and I hear the door close, thinking he left) my heart dips, but then upon hearing the door knob turn at his return or the sound of his voice assuring he never left at all, what joy and gladness! Every time. What a beautiful type of our relationship with the Lord. When His presence is gone, (or even only thought to be) more than a dip of heart, what anguish this is! What would willingly be done, given, endured, just to have that back again. But, Oh! When His voice again is heard, and His presence made known, there is no joy comparable.
A sweet taste of this was enjoyed recently. On the day before Thanksgiving, I received a note from a friend after describing some symptoms that I have been having that it was likely a blood clot in my leg. This may sound unreasonable, but I was beside myself with fear. All day long I struggled with it, crying, fearing it would travel to my lungs or heart and kill me, travel to the placenta and kill my baby, or I’d get it evaluated “professionally”, get put on blood thinners, then die of hemorrhage at birth, since that almost happens every time without their help anyway.
If anyone is wondering, YES, I am a pessimist. Not proud of it, of this stronghold of fear that stands so high and makes it so hard to see anything but that. But having said that, being fearful has this one virtue. It makes the fearer that much more thankful when the emergency DOESN’T happen: when everyone in the family doesn’t die of botulism because they ate sweet potato casserole from sweet potatoes wrapped in foil and left to sit for several hours (seems like I read a story somewhere of someone who almost died of eating a potato wrapped in foil that had sat for some long period of time, after all); or of food poisoning because stock wasn’t made from the chicken until 4 hours after dinner was over (because bacteria starts to multiply after only two hours at room temperature, or so I’ve read) or that their two year old didn’t die from the hacking cough she developed spontaneously one night, (there are some weird and dangerous viruses going around the US these days, as we’ve all heard); or that what you were told was likely a blood clot actually probably isn’t. I’m just so thankful that we’re all still kicking. In spite of all that, and so much more. 🙂
However, this is a side track. Back to the original point. The next day, which was Thanksgiving, Nathan led us all in family worship, and one of the passages selected was Psalm 23. Such a beautiful Psalm, but sadly, it can become so familiar that the beauty is overlooked or even forgotten. As he read the Psalm the words rang out and struck my soul with reproof and blessing, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for thou art with me”. “I will fear no evil!” Could I say that? Judging from just the day before, I failed that test. But that is because I failed to remember in that crucial (to me) time that He IS with me. Yet, He is! He will be! Of all comforts this is the greatest. Of all joys this is the truest. And though it seems at times that the measure of faith granted to me is such a small one, that I should be left to greater woe because of it, yet, yet as long as that faith is placed in HIM, not in my faith itself, not in my feelings of His nearness or lack thereof, not in the words of others that say if you doubt at all you are damned or on the other side if you only desire Him you are saved, but in Him alone, I will never be confounded.
He is true. He can only be true. And He is with me.
For this, and His innumerable promises and blessings I am truly, truly thankful.